Friday, July 9, 2010

This is why we can't have nice things.

Allow me to be a tad superficial as I feel the need to defend myself.

Last week, a horrible little man called me "chubby".

The conversation went like this:

At "work" HBL (Horrible Little Man) comes up to register for a seminar and sees me drinking coke.
HBL: You know, you really shouldn't drink that.
NCG (Not Chubby Girl): I know, I actually don't like soda much but it's all they have here.
HBL: Drink water.
NCG: The water here tastes like ass.
HBL: People should avoid MSG, trans fat and saccharin blahblahblahblah. Tell me, have you ever struggled with your weight?
NCG: Um, no. Technically I'm "overweight" for my height but I've always weighed the same for the past 5 years, give or take 10 lbs. (Blame it on Luv Chub)
HBL: How tall are you and how much do you weigh? (I'm one of those you ask me anything & I will tell you because I have NO filter or shame)
NCG: 5' 2", 127 lbs.
HBL: ::gives me a "I feel so sorry for you" face that almost resembled SATC's "Face Girl"::
NCG: Why do you ask?
HBL: You can't ask me that because I'm going to be honest.
NCG: Tell me.
HBL: You look chubby.


Anyone who knows me at all, knows I am not sensitive nor do I get offended easily, if ever. And for those who don't know me, I'm letting you know that in fact, I often prefer offensive and crude conversations and jokes. But I was not expecting that at all. I was shocked, and yes, appalled. I may have even cried in the privacy of my car a little at first.

Now, I don't usually take full body pictures (they can be found) because I feel it's all very "facebook" (and sometimes even a little "myspace") and I'm a grown ass woman that doesn't feel the need to show how perky my butt is or how small my boobs are ('cause I know you're all into small boobs. don't lie.) and because, well, let's face it, I do like to partake in a little culinary delight every so often, so you'll usually only get a picture of my pre-"I'm about to tear some shit up face" but uh, I think anyone can clearly see I am in no way chubby. 6 lbs (to be exact) overweight, oh, you can bet your sweet ass but FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER.

This post is not intended as group therapy. I don't need any "OMG, you're SO not chubby" comments because I know I'm not and I love food way too much to throw it up later so please don't be concerned for my mental or physical health. Actually, I'm not sure there's a point to this except to rant a little and say "Fuck you, you Amway seminar attending douchebag".

I'm going to go eat a kit kat,

NCG